Doom & Gloom

[Ukpoohbear]

This is a thread to help me express my negative energies and transmute them into love.

Ever since Venus conjunct Pluto in December '21 and then went retrograde, I have been feeling out of sorts, it hit me quite intensely, if you can imagine from a Pluto transit. It was intense like Pluto but suddenly everything went bleak, which felt more like Saturn. It hit me out of the blue.

Gradually, I learnt to deal with it and I started to actually like the sombre feeling. Yes, it was painful but it made me look at myself honestly and with clear eyes. I did not like what I saw - I saw the most vulnerable side of me, I saw myself without the illusion of my own ego, and I saw myself from a negative perspective. But at least I could see it, so I could then heal it. At least I was not delusional about myself.

So now that I felt like **** and I accepted it, then what? I still felt bleak and depressed. I felt so lonely, and I am lonely. What helped was little things like an internal self-confidence, where I said to myself, 'I am proud of how far I have come.' Also, a co-worker who expressed her gratitude for having met me and the support we give each other. That little shot of love helped me realise that as much as what I am seeing myself extremely realistically, that not everyone concentrated on the worst sides of me, like I had been doing recently. Not everyone saw the worst sides of me.

So all of that sounds a bit more Saturn like, I see that. I hinted there about people seeing the worst sides of me and that is coming from bosses at work. The tension has ben building for some months and I believe it will come to a head when Venus-Mars-Pluto conjunct in early March 2022. It has been very intense. Again, issues with authority sounds a bit more Saturn, but I can tell you the power struggles and darkness involved in it, has been very Plutonian.

Basically, I had a team leader and she has been working against me to subtly undermine me and prevent my progress at work. I have a lot of patience and gave a lot of chances, but eventually I went to Human Resources and I requested a new team leader. It did not fix things, she used that opportunity to progress another employee at an alarmingly speedy rate, and he is now a team leader. I have tried to voice this to my new team leader but I was told this was in my head, to look the other way and to not go to human resources again.

A new team leader arrived, whose behaviour was normal to me at first, but she was taken under the wing of my ex team leader and ever since then, she has taken it upon herself to publically embarrass or humiliate me by reprimanding me in front of other workers. She has an authoritarian personality anyway, but saves the best for me. Well again, I voiced this and I sent her an email with my team leader CC'd in expressing my concerns over the way she was talking to me. She still does it, but she has been asked to tone it down, but they are scared I will go to HR again. Let me tell you, I am caught between having moments of standing up for myself strongly but also wanting to remain diplomatic.

I have been unable to sleep properly for weeks. A few days ago I went for a bath in the evening and I started thinking about all of this work stuff which has been building up for about a year, I was so fed up of the thoughts racing in my head, I let out a scream. In the bath. Needless to say, I did not sleep until 4am that day, or the next evening. I had a meeting with my team leader on webcam (I work from home) and I tried my best to hide the tiredness with makeup, but my energy/persona eventually creeped through, and it was noticeable I was in a very serious and sombre mood, going by the tiredness under my eyes and the overall seriousness on my face. It is intense.

To top this all off, one of my cats has been doing my absolute head in. He does not use his toilet and I have had to pick up after him. I had covid two weeks ago and I was woken up at half 5 in the morning with the sound of him scratching the wood floor because he had just crapped on the carpet. I got up to clean it up but he had gone right outside my bedroom door and my foot stepped on it a little bit. So at half 5 AM, with covid, I was cleaning cat **** off my bare foot. He has also been displaying other strange behaviour - I sat down after work, stressed and tired, and he starts encircling me by walking around the couch in a circle over and over again. I am ashamed to admit, I have screamed at him a few times and he just stares at me for ages. The energy is so clingy, it is driving me insane. I want to kill him and the intensity of that feeling is scaring me. I am thinking of giving him up if the intensity becomes unmanageable, but I don't think I could, a new owner would just have him put down but then, giving him up is better than keeping him here where he is getting screamed at by something 20x larger than himself.

I understand this is demons tempting me to murder (I have killed in past lives before), and Pluto is asking me - have I changed or am I still a killer? The demons want to tempt me to kill so I can go to hell.

This is the purpose of this thread. Here I will express my anger so that it can be transmuted into love. I am writing this thread today after having slept really well for the last couple of days, and today is Sunday, I had a lie in, all my housework is already done and I have been enjoying cooking. But, Venus-Mars-Pluto conjunction is a-coming. Soon, I will be snowed under by assignments from university, the power struggles at work may come to a head, and everyday I will still continue to pick up after that ******* cat with clingy behaviour.

God help me. Here I will express my thoughts. Do not be tempted to take my negative energy and let it become your own - express your negativity in a healthy way. The purpose of this thread is not to tempt others into negativity or demonic behaviour, that is your own responsibility. This thread is to help me express my own. I have many thoughts. Hopefully this introduction has given some background info because from now on I will be posting without explanation. If you feel triggered or think what you need right now is love, please feel free to go to my 5D thread (https://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=131840), or even my Tantra thread, which is about a journey into self-healing (https://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109821). The answer at the end of the day is always love but, I need a healthy outlet for my intense emotions right now. If I can express my dark urges then the demons will be less able to tempt me into using them against me.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
if you are vaxxed,
I bid you adieu.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
if you are unvaxxed,
they are coming for you.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
to all those unvaxxed,
the third reich is coming for you.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

The pandemic is not over. The fear of an infectious, invisible disease, the fear of people who may have it and the self-isolation side-effects, has festered into the minds of society. As the lockdown rules ease off, people do not comprehend the prospect of another isolation and will do anything to no longer be afraid of the invisible cursed. Those who are unvaccinated have become the walking dead who must be run away from, the carriers of the invisible disease, the scapegoats for the pandemic.

The unvaccinated are slowly being banned from all parts of society; workers are being forced to have the vaccination or lose their jobs. Soon, they will not even be classed as human anymore. They will lose their jobs, then their homes. Those who remain will be attacked by the vaccinated. Like with the persecution of the Jews, those who remained part of society, were taken to the ghetto, when the ghetto became still too close to others, they were then shipped off outside of society to concentration camps.

Like in the movie Defiance (trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw6Rwum7zcU), the only ones who had a chance of survival, are the ones who moved away from society before they were murdered. In a documentary I watched recently about the Hungarian Jews, when asked why they did not try to get away when the Nazi's arrived, after they heard about what had happened to the Jew's in Germany, they said the oppression happened slowly. First, they were not allowed in certain shops, then they had to wear a star.

This is exactly what is happening now with the unvaccinated. Even as the lockdown comes to an end and the rules are being lifted in the UK within a few weeks, there is talk in the news of the mandates being postponed for 6 months because people are protesting too much. It is only a postponement. Soon, the unvaccinated will be scapegoated more and more until they are no longer safe, and their only chance of survival is to leave town and live in the woods, like the resistance fighters in the Defiance movie.

Save your money, be prepared to leave your job. Buy a tent, a cooking stove and food. The end times are coming.

Perhaps, just maybe, society has learnt its lesson from the last time, and the same scenario will be played out like in WW2, but to a lesser intense extent. I hope humanity has learnt its lesson and is able to stop a repetition of the third reich. May the unvaccinated continue their protests and the mandates being postponed will always be postponed. It all depends on how much humanity has learnt and where we are at in our spiritual growth as a collective. However, if you ae unvaccinated, be prepared and try your best to slip into the shadows. If you are lucky enough, you will be able to hide and survive.

 

[Opal]

Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that.


Martin Luther King Jr.

 

[psychoEclipse]

Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Unless you desire to embrace your emotions alongside hate and the darkness that lies inside everyone. If I think is the right thing to do...then I do such, no matter what.

Moreover, the opposite of love is not hatred; its apathy or indifference. The opposite of hatred is not love; its apathy or indifference. Love and hate are two extremes where such emotions are so strong towards something. If you feel something, the opposite is feeling nothing at all...and that's called apathy or indifference.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that.


Martin Luther King Jr.

Yes but maybe it is a good idea to buy some camping equipment before they ask us to wear a star.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

Funnily enough, I am suddenly feeling a lot better after weeks of struggling inwardly. Perhaps it is Venus stationing direct on Saturday. So I’m just not feeling doom and gloom. This is probably just a temporary relief though and when Venus, Mars and Pluto conjunct on 1st March, which will also trine Algol...

KABOOM..!

 

[david starling]

Funnily enough, I am suddenly feeling a lot better after weeks of struggling inwardly. Perhaps it is Venus stationing direct on Saturday. So I’m just not feeling doom and gloom. This is probably just a temporary relief though and when Venus, Mars and Pluto conjunct on 1st March, which will also trine Algol...

KABOOM..!

I'm expecting a mundane, world-affecting development. Just to add, the exact conjunction of Mars/Pluto will be on March 3rd, and that includes Venus, less than 30 minutes orb. So, it's a 3-way conjunction involving Venus, which is a very interesting situation, especially with the Algol trine included.

Personally, I see it as a 4-way conjunction, since it will also include the tropical Age-Indicator at less than 30 minutes orb.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

I'm expecting a mundane, world-affecting development.

Yes. I’m expecting a stand off. Off with their heads! Best bet is to hide and make sure it is not ours. There is no hiding for some though.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

I'm expecting a mundane, world-affecting development. Just to add, the exact conjunction of Mars/Pluto will be on March 3rd, and that includes Venus, less than 30 minutes orb. So, it's a 3-way conjunction involving Venus, which is a very interesting situation, especially with the Algol trine included.

Personally, I see it as a 4-way conjunction, since it will also include the tropical Age-Indicator at less than 30 minutes orb.

That’s interesting it includes the tropical age indicator. I can see why you would expect a mundane event. Let’s see what happens. The unvaccinated being given special passports to carry for our protection.

 

[psychoEclipse]

Funnily enough, I am suddenly feeling a lot better after weeks of struggling inwardly. Perhaps it is Venus stationing direct on Saturday. So I’m just not feeling doom and gloom. This is probably just a temporary relief though and when Venus, Mars and Pluto conjunct on 1st March, which will also trine Algol...

KABOOM..!

Actually...the "sounds" that Algol will bring are:

- The silence of a constant snowfall.
- The whisper of a cold breeze.
- The crackling of a blazing fire.
- The screams of those who will die.
- The screeching of what humans will fear.

And...a laugh that echoes in the night, if you consider it as such.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

You have a way with words pE.

 

[david starling]

You have a way with words pE.

"pE"!

 

[psychoEclipse]

You have a way with words pE.

I'm actually better to explain through images than words, but even my Mercury makes it obvious:

- Mercury 6H Aquarius, conjunct Sun and Jupiter, semi-sextile Neptune. It conjunct Pallas too, if you count it.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

3 hours sleep last night and then the authoritarian team leader put me down in front of everybody again and we got into an argument the manager saw. Algol mixed with this conjunction is already beginning to make a lot of sense (manager is female), it is coming for me.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

I’m just not feeling doomy or gloomy anymore. I should have written how I was feeling during the eye of the storm in order to express correctly the place where I was at, but I was too busy trying to survive it to write.

I am currently winning and feeling positive - things with work and my cats are improving. My love life is currently non existent and as such I am feeling lonely, but I have an overall feeling that of positivity that the situation will change.

With the power issues at work, I knew I had to stand up for myself but I think a lot, which I am really glad for that I do, but I wanted to play ball and seek a solution as well. During a Pluto transit, I have read that if you act ruthless this is a good thing but if you don’t, you will be forced to act ruthless by an outside force acting ruthless towards you, forcing you to stand up for yourself. Obviously I don’t want that, but I didn’t want to be ruthless and selfish, I wanted to be accommodating too. In the Astro.com description of a Pluto transit, it said that it takes a rare soul to do this but it is clearly the moral thing to do.

At work, with the team leader who was giving me a hard time, I had already shown her my aggressive side, but I wasn’t being very smart, I had also made myself look un professional to others. If necessary, I would continue to be aggressive but I wanted not to harm myself in the process. I spoke to my own team leader and I said to her that if this situation continued with this team leader, I would be forced to make an official complaint. But I said, I don’t want to do this because I want to be a team player and I come in the spirit of team work, cooperation and tolerance. My team leader said if it got to the stage where I made a official complaint, she would feel like she was a failure and it won’t happen again. I do not want her to feel like a failure and I am glad my team leader has empathy. So far, the team leader who was giving me a hard time has been much nicer to me.

With regards to my cat, I was questioning the kind of person that I am. He peed on the floor and I picked him up and put his face on the pee. I should not have done that. I was expressing my frustration but also hoping he would realise he is not supposed to pee on the floor. What I did made me feel like a bad person. It is not a fair fight with a human 20x lager than a cat, it is abuse plain and simple. The next day, I cuddled him. I felt like one of those violent husband’s who slap their wive’s one night and cuddles them the next. I also promised to stop shouting at him.

I was still angry at my cat though, even though the leaf had began to turn. What sealed the deal and helped me love my cat again was ehh a man who was round doing odd jobs like putting up a shelf for me, jokingly said he forgot to bring a pet carrier to take my cat for em. I had been complaining to him about my cat. I was confused by his joke and let it slide because I like to be polite. Well, just this morning, I sent him a couple of photos of this cat and one of my other cats with his daughter, who has been round with him. His reply was ‘the cats look really big, shall I bring my pet carrier with me next time?’ Oh boy, I do not want to be aggressive because I thought we might be friend’s but he got told that he was an opportunistic and untrustworthy person and I blocked him. I thought about Teddy living at his bit and how this man would cope with Teddy not using his toilet - would the man treat him violently, would his dogs attack my cat, would he keep the cat outside, even though Teddy is a Ragdoll pedigree and is meant to be an indoor cat only? I know this man does not have the right home or personality for my cat. Teddy knows me! I could not separate him from his cat sister and other cat. Or me. So Teddy is sitting on my lap as I write this and we are friend’s again. The leaf is fully turned over.

I am really lucky Teddy still trusts me after me being aggressive toward him but then I think to myself that as much as I was wrong to be angry, I have also been very patient for about 8 years with him and it just all built up and got on top of me.

A couple of days earlier, when the leaf was slightly turned but not fully, because I had not yet fully forgiven Teddy, he was sitting on the couch in front of me (not yet on my lap), when I decided to shuffle my tarot cards so I could find out how he felt when I behaved angrily toward him. Two cards dropped out - knight of wands and 3 of swords. Poor cat, it was not so much he was scared but he felt heartbroken that I was angry at him.

I mean, we are friends but he still will continue to go right next to his toilet instead of in it. I will, again, try some other ideas to try entice him to change his behaviour. He probably won’t. But I just need to remember the type of person I want to be and I know that I could never give him up.

How dare that bloody man be opportunistic and hint about taking my cat. I want to rub his face in his own pee. This is my cat.

Here is the innocent little cat Teddy who has caused me to question my soul, sitting on my lap as we speak —
— https://ibb.co/WGqxWB1

 

[david starling]

Maybe he just wants his own litter box. Or, he doesn't like what's in the litter box you have now.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

I have 4 litter boxes, one for each cat plus one extra. They are all the same kind of litter box that you have to jump in, so maybe he doesn’t like that type, although he never used the type before it either, the regular lidded ones.

However!! Today I bought two cheap open tray litter boxes and put them in his usual places and put kitchen towel down and he has just used one of them for the first time!!! I am going to experiment with different types of cat litter in them but for some reason I knew he would like kitchen towel. Well, he’s peed on every soft material I’ve left on the floor, including my shoes and trainers, so it was an educated guess.

But I’m so happy!! He did it so easy I feel all these years have been for nothing.

I tried the telepathy thing but I didn’t have any luck. All I heard back was ‘he just wants attention, he loves you,’ but I think that was my own mind. I have felt feelings from my cats before and it was stronger than this. I only seem to have psychic moments when I’m hungover for some reason. The ‘veil’ is just not accessible to me in my normal state.

But, wow, go Teddy!!!! I have finally made progress. Can you believe the cheek of that guy ‘joking’ (hinting) he was going to bring a pet carrier round to take Teddy away. I’m still scared of that even being suggested.

 

[Ukpoohbear]

I’m still not feeling doomy or gloomy again, although I am expecting a downward tilt at some point. I no longer want to kill my cat. He’s been using the plastic litter trays, apart from one time, but every other time. That’s helped my stress levels a lot.

Plus I went to the drs about my sleep and anxiety. I am already on propranolol which is a beta blocker that lowers your heart rate and adrenaline symptoms. He gave me a slow release one to take in the morning which is a lot better than popping the other one’s 3x a day. I still feel anxious but not enough to take the other ones yet.

To help with sleep they gave me antihistamines and diazepam. I took them for the first time last night and I had the best sleep ever. I still woke up tired but only because I felt like I had had a good sleep and could have done with more of it. This is a big help because the lack of sleep was not helping in me dealing with stress at work and I had images of me losing it so big that I would get the sack. I suspected it would happen during the Venus-Mars-Pluto conjunction trine Algol aspect which is quickly incoming. At least now, I can control my sleeping and have a better chance at handling this energy.

I heard hard transits to your Sun effect your health and look at me now on these medications, so I am definitely in the eye of the storm, but I don’t feel doomy and gloomy. I have made huge progress with my cat and work has been better, but still waiting for another onslaught where that is concerned, but at least with proper sleep, I have a good defence system.

 

[david starling]

I’m still not feeling doomy or gloomy again, although I am expecting a downward tilt at some point. I no longer want to kill my cat. He’s been using the plastic litter trays, apart from one time, but every other time. That’s helped my stress levels a lot.

Plus I went to the drs about my sleep and anxiety. I am already on propranolol which is a beta blocker that lowers your heart rate and adrenaline symptoms. He gave me a slow release one to take in the morning which is a lot better than popping the other one’s 3x a day. I still feel anxious but not enough to take the other ones yet.

To help with sleep they gave me antihistamines and diazepam. I took them for the first time last night and I had the best sleep ever. I still woke up tired but only because I felt like I had had a good sleep and could have done with more of it. This is a big help because the lack of sleep was not helping in me dealing with stress at work and I had images of me losing it so big that I would get the sack. I suspected it would happen during the Venus-Mars-Pluto conjunction trine Algol aspect which is quickly incoming. At least now, I can control my sleeping and have a better chance at handling this energy.

I heard hard transits to your Sun effect your health and look at me now on these medications, so I am definitely in the eye of the storm, but I don’t feel doomy and gloomy. I have made huge progress with my cat and work has been better, but still waiting for another onslaught where that is concerned, but at least with proper sleep, I have a good defence system.

The exact Merc/Pluto conjunction happened yesterday morning, PST, at 5:45 am.
(That was 1:45 pm in England.)

Woke me right up!