My chart. Mentally illness in family and abuse

[Aniko]

This is my chart that i downloaded from Cafe Astrology. Please take a look and comment if you like

I have had a pretty tough life with a mother who was mentally ill, a brother who was mentally ill as well, I have had issues with eating-disorders and self-harm when I was young.

I adored my father who was extremely kind to me but he died when I was 17.

At 25 I changed religion and got married to a man younger than me. He was unfortunately a narcissist and addicted to gambling. Also cheated a lot on me. And he beat me. We have 3 boys together.

I left him 3 years ago. My marriage left me with tons of debts because my ex pushed me into borrowing money which he lost on gambling or on bad investments.

I don't know if I believe in predictive astrology but I sure could need some positive input about my future especially about love or money. I struggle with depressions and anxiety and I dont have a good connection with my family.
But I would like to know if any of the things I told you is reflected in my chart and if so what?

Born 24th of July 1975 in Huddinge, Sweden at 15:12

 

[Aniko]

Why am I attracted to younger men?

I have been googling so much to find answers to this question and I did find answers but I don't think any of them apply to me. I have no planets at all in the 7th house and no planets in Gemini for example.

I attract younger men and I also am very attracted to younger men. I have never had a relationship with a man who is a lot older than me. The last relationships I have had was with a man 4 years younger, 16 years younger and now 19 years(!!) younger.

I used to be so attached to my father whom I adored as a child but he died when I was 17. I "should" be attracted to older men don't you think? But I am not.

I look very young for my age, at least 10 years younger than my real age.

Born 24th of July 1975 in Huddinge, Sweden at 15:12

 

[ashriia]

Re: Why am I attracted to younger men?

I attract younger men and I also am very attracted to younger men. I have never had a relationship with a man who is a lot older than me. The last relationships I have had was with a man 4 years younger, 16 years younger and now 19 years(!!) younger.

A possible reason for this, is your 8th house cusp is in Gemini. Mercury rules youth. So Virgo and Gemini influences can lead to being attracted to younger persons. 8th rules sexuality so sexual attraction to those younger.
Typically a woman, finds men that embody her mars most attractive. Generally that is characteristics. But for sexual attraction you can study sign on 8th cusp.

 

[ashriia]

This is my chart that i downloaded from Cafe Astrology. Please take a look and comment if you like

I have had a pretty tough life with a mother who was mentally ill, a brother who was mentally ill as well, I have had issues with eating-disorders and self-harm when I was young.

I adored my father who was extremely kind to me but he died when I was 17.

At 25 I changed religion and got married to a man younger than me. He was unfortunately a narcissist and addicted to gambling. Also cheated a lot on me. And he beat me. We have 3 boys together.

I left him 3 years ago. My marriage left me with tons of debts because my ex pushed me into borrowing money which he lost on gambling or on bad investments.

I don't know if I believe in predictive astrology but I sure could need some positive input about my future especially about love or money. I struggle with depressions and anxiety and I dont have a good connection with my family.
But I would like to know if any of the things I told you is reflected in my chart and if so what?

Born 24th of July 1975 in Huddinge, Sweden at 15:12

First, I commend you on getting out of an abusive marriage! that is one of the most difficult things to do. And you should be very proud of yourself for doing so. It takes tremedous courage!

There needs to be alot of healing after abuse. its not an easy road-- especialy when you also have a predisposition to depression. I hope you are taking care of yourself first and foremost. An issue with having an aquarius moon is finding a way to seek out drama/chaos when things get too quiet. Just be very mindful of the people you are bringing into your life when you are dealing with depression.
Energy usually attracts similar energy. With your north node in your 1st house, your karmic path for this life---is to focus on yourself, how can you be the best you? take others out of the equation. It has to be about you. Dust off the neglected parts of yourself. do things that bring you happiness. follow your passions.
I am not saying don't have relationships. But try to be at a stable/healthy place first, so no matter how love goes you are good no matter what.

 

[ToltecLearn]

This is my chart that i downloaded from Cafe Astrology. Please take a look and comment if you like

But I would like to know if any of the things I told you is reflected in my chart and if so what?

Born 24th of July 1975 in Huddinge, Sweden at 15:12

This is a hobby for me so let me see...!

First you have saturn in cancer which could suggest some limitations, restriction, responsabilites with something family related

you also have saturn square uranus which again is in cancer could suggest instability (uranus) in a cancer (family) enviroment

also saturn is in 8th this could suggest that your intensiveness could put you in trouble and restricted situations, also it could suggest that with time (saturn) you will control your intensiveness in such areas and do it in a logical and practical way

then again you have more harsh aspects than soft aspects which most of the times suggest life with difficulties,

you have saturn and mercury conjuct in a stellium your 8th house in cancer which could suggest you have to put intensive (8th) mind (mercury ) in your family (cancer) as a responsability (saturn), that responsability could be coming from something began as a intensive passionate situation or

might be as scorpio ruler of 8th sometimes likes going deep into the dark waters thats why you might had choosed your ex he might had been a bad boy

you have neptune in 1th house and leo asc, you might be extroverted but at the same time might look naive

you have a mars in taurus so you might stick to your guns in passionate love, and you could see this area as a duty (6th) and a routine to take care of diligently

jupiter in 5th makes you a really big fun loving person and i think being in aries could exacerbate this situation, you could really love to have fun in a big way, and sometimes not thinking in what could go wrong (some sagittarius tendencies, jupiter)

obviously jupiter in 5th could mean too that you like to express yourself in a fun open big time way creatively

so yeah all this positions could mean a lot of different things... im just saying the part that could be the most similar to your situation

its a hobby i like to practice

 

[Osamenor]

For a tendency to have younger partners, the first thing I look for is Mercury at the DC, or barring that, at least in the seventh house, ruling the seventh house, or conjunct the seventh house ruler. But you don't have any of those placements.

So, my thought is it's not so much a constant attraction to younger people as it is a certain relationship dynamic that works for you. If you are the older woman in an older woman/younger man relationship, and this pattern holds across several relationships, what's the dynamic in those relationships? It has to be different from the dynamic you would have if you were dating older men or men your own age. (For all practical purposes, though, a man four years younger than you is your age, especially by this time in your life.)

In particular, I wonder what kind of chatter is going on between your Moon and Mars. Mars is the closest planet you have to your DC, and it's in your whole sign seventh house, so I would consider it in the context of your relationships. It's also, for everyone, the planet of sex drive and passion, and there's a common belief among some astrologers that Mars in a woman's chart represents the men she's attracted to. (Personally, I have a lot of problems with that--it assumes that everyone is heterosexual, which is not true, and it seems to be based on the idea that Mars is an exclusively masculine planet that women must disown in themselves and project onto men.)

Moon, meanwhile, represents a certain feminine principle, particularly a "mothering" one. Do these younger men see you as a mother figure, in any sense? Do you mother them, in some sense? Since your Moon is in Aquarius, I wouldn't expect a very lovey-dovey, kiss your bruises kind of mothering energy from you, but a more distant sort of mothering energy, the kind that says, "Do what you will, but make me proud!"

 

[Aniko]

Re: Why am I attracted to younger men?

A possible reason for this, is your 8th house cusp is in Gemini. Mercury rules youth. So Virgo and Gemini influences can lead to being attracted to younger persons. 8th rules sexuality so sexual attraction to those younger.
Typically a woman, finds men that embody her mars most attractive. Generally that is characteristics. But for sexual attraction you can study sign on 8th cusp.

Thank you, I did know that my 8th cusp is in Gemini but I had no idea that it could have any influence. I thought that when you have no planets in the 7th house you are supposed to look at the 6th house and see what you have there. And there I have Taurus in Mars.

My Venus is in Virgo.

Well in my 8th house I have Sun, Mercury and Saturn.

As I said I have Mars in Taurus. Apart from younger men I am very attracted physically to men who are good with their hands. For example if they are carpenters, constructors, mechanics or just very practical. I think that is super masculine and very hot.

Interesting to read your input

 

[Aniko]

First, I commend you on getting out of an abusive marriage! that is one of the most difficult things to do. And you should be very proud of yourself for doing so. It takes tremedous courage!

There needs to be alot of healing after abuse. its not an easy road-- especialy when you also have a predisposition to depression. I hope you are taking care of yourself first and foremost. An issue with having an aquarius moon is finding a way to seek out drama/chaos when things get too quiet. Just be very mindful of the people you are bringing into your life when you are dealing with depression.
Energy usually attracts similar energy. With your north node in your 1st house, your karmic path for this life---is to focus on yourself, how can you be the best you? take others out of the equation. It has to be about you. Dust off the neglected parts of yourself. do things that bring you happiness. follow your passions.
I am not saying don't have relationships. But try to be at a stable/healthy place first, so no matter how love goes you are good no matter what.

Thank you so much for your kind words and your concern. I have gone to therapy after I left my ex and last years I have started to be interested in natal charts. I want to learn more about myself, to understand why I have done bad choices in my life and what I can to do in order to change this.

You can't see the aspects from my chart but I have Venus square Neptune and also Neptune in my first house. I think these can explain why I have been drawn to men who are not good to me. I often don't know who I am. Its like my vision of myself is really blurry and I tend to want to merge with other people and want to "save" them in order to forget about my own problems. Also I have been idealizing my partners and refused to see them for who they really are.

 

[Aniko]

This is a hobby for me so let me see...!

First you have saturn in cancer which could suggest some limitations, restriction, responsabilites with something family related

you also have saturn square uranus which again is in cancer could suggest instability (uranus) in a cancer (family) enviroment

also saturn is in 8th this could suggest that your intensiveness could put you in trouble and restricted situations, also it could suggest that with time (saturn) you will control your intensiveness in such areas and do it in a logical and practical way

then again you have more harsh aspects than soft aspects which most of the times suggest life with difficulties,

you have saturn and mercury conjuct in a stellium your 8th house in cancer which could suggest you have to put intensive (8th) mind (mercury ) in your family (cancer) as a responsability (saturn), that responsability could be coming from something began as a intensive passionate situation or

might be as scorpio ruler of 8th sometimes likes going deep into the dark waters thats why you might had choosed your ex he might had been a bad boy

you have neptune in 1th house and leo asc, you might be extroverted but at the same time might look naive

you have a mars in taurus so you might stick to your guns in passionate love, and you could see this area as a duty (6th) and a routine to take care of diligently

jupiter in 5th makes you a really big fun loving person and i think being in aries could exacerbate this situation, you could really love to have fun in a big way, and sometimes not thinking in what could go wrong (some sagittarius tendencies, jupiter)

obviously jupiter in 5th could mean too that you like to express yourself in a fun open big time way creatively

so yeah all this positions could mean a lot of different things... im just saying the part that could be the most similar to your situation

its a hobby i like to practice

Thank you, i think you did a really good job Yes I agree that this Saturn has been messing up so much for me :-( Currently I have also noticed that there are some transits with Saturn opposite Sun and Sun opposite Saturn which effect me very negatively. I hope they will end soon.

My ascendant sign is Scorpio, not Leo. I am introverted at first sight. Around new people I am quiet, I sit an observe and I have had lots of comments about my eyes. People say they are intense and even sexual even though I try not be. North Node is in Scorpio and I have a stellium in 8th house. Maybe that is why I go through really dramatic changes in my life from time to time.

You picked up on Jupiter in 5 th house in Aries! Around my kids I am very extroverted. I laugh a lot, tease with them and play with them. I love to be around children and even animals. They have a healing effect on me.

 

[Aniko]

For a tendency to have younger partners, the first thing I look for is Mercury at the DC, or barring that, at least in the seventh house, ruling the seventh house, or conjunct the seventh house ruler. But you don't have any of those placements.

So, my thought is it's not so much a constant attraction to younger people as it is a certain relationship dynamic that works for you. If you are the older woman in an older woman/younger man relationship, and this pattern holds across several relationships, what's the dynamic in those relationships? It has to be different from the dynamic you would have if you were dating older men or men your own age. (For all practical purposes, though, a man four years younger than you is your age, especially by this time in your life.)

In particular, I wonder what kind of chatter is going on between your Moon and Mars. Mars is the closest planet you have to your DC, and it's in your whole sign seventh house, so I would consider it in the context of your relationships. It's also, for everyone, the planet of sex drive and passion, and there's a common belief among some astrologers that Mars in a woman's chart represents the men she's attracted to. (Personally, I have a lot of problems with that--it assumes that everyone is heterosexual, which is not true, and it seems to be based on the idea that Mars is an exclusively masculine planet that women must disown in themselves and project onto men.)

Moon, meanwhile, represents a certain feminine principle, particularly a "mothering" one. Do these younger men see you as a mother figure, in any sense? Do you mother them, in some sense? Since your Moon is in Aquarius, I wouldn't expect a very lovey-dovey, kiss your bruises kind of mothering energy from you, but a more distant sort of mothering energy, the kind that says, "Do what you will, but make me proud!"

My Mars is in Taurus and my Moon is square Mars if that is any help to you?

Maybe it is as you say that I have been wanting to be a mother to them. But why then would I not want to have a man who would be like a father to me instead, since I miss him so much? I really dont know and I am trying to understand myself.

I dont want to be in an unequal relationship where only one part gives and the other just takes. That is why I am afraid of feeling this attraction to younger men. And also people around me could have opinions...

Maybe in some way I fall for men that I know that I will not get. Because I am afraid of true love or feel that I am not worthy to be loved. If someone approaches me and is really kind to me I back off, I get suspicious and even cold. Instead I "chase" men that I know I will not be with in the end after all.

I need help to get out of this vicious circle. I dont want to be alone and still I keep ending up alone because of bad choices.

I don't agree of being detached as a mother. I am very warm towards my kids and I spoil them and actually smother them. I love to cuddle, kiss and hug them and they give me so much love back.

I want to give love and I am very loving, I am very bad at accepting kindness and love though. It kind of makes me feel guilty.

 

[Aniko]

Here are all the aspects and positions with orbs.

 

[Aniko]

Re: Why am I attracted to younger men?

A possible reason for this, is your 8th house cusp is in Gemini. Mercury rules youth. So Virgo and Gemini influences can lead to being attracted to younger persons. 8th rules sexuality so sexual attraction to those younger.
Typically a woman, finds men that embody her mars most attractive. Generally that is characteristics. But for sexual attraction you can study sign on 8th cusp.

This could be one explanation actually. I have 3 planets too in the 8th house, one of which is Mercury. Also the planet with most aspects to it is Mercury.